How to get absolutely anything done (+ an invitation!)
"We are perpetually standing up our future-self, leaving her wide-eyed and hopeful under the clocktower at noon. But there is another way..."
I stood myself up today.
I had this hot date planned with my laptop - you know the kind, I’m sure. A lengthy to-do list, a couple of notebooks, one super-hot beverage and me (also hot, to be fair).
And then I just didn’t show up.
Well, I guess I did eventually - but so late that any romantic blooms clutched in first-date-clammy hands would be wilted and droopy. Late enough that the passion had cooled.
I’d love to say it was the first time, but when it comes to honouring my personal commitments in my calendar, I’m a bit of a cad. Oh, I’ll show up diligently for clients and friends, for customers and colleagues - but to myself, I’m the kind of nightmare ghosting scoundrel that doesn’t even send a text.
Maybe it’s tied to fatigue; maybe it’s burnout or overwhelm. Maybe it’s an inescapable part of the ADHD brain. Maybe it’s all just an excuse.
But for whatever reason, there are just certain tasks in my life that I struggle to make myself do. And I know I’m not alone in this.
Every day I speak to clever, articulate women (and men) who struggle with taking action on their goals.
Because knowing what steps to take is only half of the battle; making yourself follow through is what actually brings the results.
Fancy making this thing official? 🌹
Join my paid community here from just £1.15 a week.
and access a heap of heart-led, strategy driven support for your creative dreams and/or business. Monthly drop-in coaching clinics, deep-dive posts on the nitty gritty, 3x monthly co-working calls, expert Q&As plus a connected community space where we all get to cheer each other on. Sounds good, right?
Maybe this all sounds familiar. We buy planners and scheduling apps. We write endless to-do lists everywhere. We block out time in our calendars to just show up and do it, and then we let ourselves down, again and again. In French they call it to poser un lapin: (literally: to lay down a rabbit 🐰) It means to be disregarded; stood up.
We are perpetually standing our future selves up, leaving them wide-eyed and hopeful under the clocktower at noon.
Why do we do this? Why do we let ourselves down when it counts?
I’ve spent long enough digging into this lapin-hole to know there are no tidy answers at the root of it. It’s about fear of rejection and criticism and pain. About perfectionism and trying to control how we’re perceived by the world. It’s about how much we value ourselves, ultimately - none of which is particularly solvable when it’s Monday morning and you’ve got some serious shit to get through.
Self-acceptance is the work of a lifetime. How can we crack on with the things burning up our to-do lists today?
Enter: the magic of co-working.
Another Nervous System
You might already have heard of mirror neurones.
“A mirror neuron is a neuron that fires both when an animal acts and when the animal observes the same action performed by another.” Essential wiring for child development and acquiring new skills all throughout adulthood - and also, perhaps, for shifting into different states of activity and activation.
Working in a busy office has its share of disadvantages, but there’s something about the quiet presence of other people’s industriousness that helps focus the mind. Combine that with ongoing accountability to a boss or manager and it’s little wonder that previously type-A, high-achieving employees can find themselves adrift when they leave a conventional workplace and decide to go at it alone.
Even my 10 year old has this struggle. “I need you to help me get dressed” she’ll wail from her bedroom, but she doesn’t mean it in the physical sense. What she wants is for me to just stand there and hold her accountable. ‘Put your leggings on next. Now it’s time for your vest'. Sometimes her own brain just isn’t enough to compel her to action, and it’s pretty clever, IMO, that she’s stumbled on the solution this way.
In the ADHD-world they call this ‘body doubling’; enhanced focus and motivation when given another human-being as a guide. In Somatic Therapy they teach something similar; how when you’re feeling dis-regulated, sitting opposite someone at peace can help your nervous system unwind.
And it works for productivity, too. It works brilliantly, in fact. And I want to show you how.
The Magic of Co-Working
You already know about co-working spaces, of course. You can find one near your home (I sometimes use the Egg Factory in Hebden Bridge), or go and work from a cafe somewhere.
OR…
Join me & this amazing community for virtual co-working session, starting next week!
In your pyjamas, if you like. And all without needing to pack up all your stuff when you run to the loo! 🎉
Virtual co-working is different. (In some ways its even MORE magical - see the point essential toilet info above.) You can do it in pairs or bigger groups - I find the magic works just the same either way.
Wondering what on earth I’m talking about? Let me explain…
Step 1: Pick a time and set a duration. I recommend a minimum of an hour, maximum of 2, but YMMV.
Step 2: Show up in a Zoom call together.
Step 3: Exchange a few words about your intentions for the session; what you’ll have completed by the end, how you will measure your success.Step 4: Mute yourselves but leave your cameras on, and get to work.
Step 5: Check back in at the agreed end time together; share what you got done.
It doesn’t sound like magic, I know, but I’m telling you - this shit is sorcery 💫
Whatever the task you’ve been procrastinating or avoiding, you will do it in that call.
It’s in the gentle nudge of accountability - that others will see you if you drift away from your desk. It’s knowing you need to share your work at the end of the call.
It’s something about our natural urge to honour appointments with other people far more than we ever honour ourselves. It’s in the ticking clock, the exam-room-hush. It’s indefinable, really. All I know is it works.
If you want to give it a go, I’m running drop-in co-working calls for all paid subscribers of Entre Nous!
Check the members’ calendar for this months upcoming sessions, alongside Creative Clincs, guest Q&As and the workshop archive.
See you in there? I’ll be the one clutching a single red rose and a giant to-do list.
Don’t stand me up now… 🥀
Does co-working and accountability work for you? What’s on your to-do list right now that really needs that extra push?
Let’s chat in the comments!
Loving seeing you on Substack more! <3
This is such a good idea, Sara. I relate to so much of this post, thanks so much for sharing. What an exciting place Substack is turning out to be.